The kawaii queen and her Vocaloid cronies are back to pleasure your earlobes with their magical robo-voices for the first time on PlayStation 4, and the third time on PlayStation Vita. That’s right, the PS4 finally has an exclusive music and rhythm game that doesn’t suck, and it has tweens in swimsuits, which will make someone happy for sure.
If you’ve not jumped on the Vocaloid bandwagon, now is a great time to start, that way when Hatsune Miku becomes official queen of the world you’re ready to bow and kiss her digital toes while complimenting her smash hits. Plus, this is probably the best music game on PS4, so you can’t go wrong there.
What if I told you there is this game called Loot Rascals made by some of the people who made Hohokum, and featured art by the artists behind Adventure Time and Alphabear? Well I’m telling you now, because Rascals is an extremely colorful roguelike that’s easy to dig into.
Long story short, you’re a space traveler, and your spaceship crashes after a moon shows up out of nowhere moments after your teapot-headed robot buddy malfunctions due to what I can only assume is some kind of demon. On the surface of this moon you run into many zany creatures that mostly intend to kill you. Why? That isn’t quite clear yet, nor is what the end game is if there is one.
Uno on Xbox 360 was a magical wasteland filled with strangers chatting it up on their Xbox Live Vision Camera, sometimes with their dicks out. As a man who is known to enjoy dicks from time to time, I quite liked that. Sure, sometimes you’d see a dick or two that you’d rather not, and sometimes someone would be wearing a Nazi or KKK uniform, but most of the time it was just chill people being social.
Ubisoft decided it would be a great idea to make a new Uno and hype it up as having voice and video chat, playing off the nostalgia of Xbox 360 owners. Guess what? Somehow Ubisoft managed to completely fuck it up.
Sometimes I like to stare into the abyss known as the personals section on popular classified ads site Craigslist. I’m not sure why I do this to myself because I always walk away disturbed. On a recent visit, I couldn’t help but notice the new hot trend is to mention Pokémon GO when trying to find someone to fornicate with via the casual encounters section. Typically these posts are by men looking for women to play the game with before, during, or after fucking, but there were some gay posts here and there.
On my most recent excursion, I did what any professional games blogger would do and screen capped a few of these ads from all over the world to share with you. Get ready for foul language, puns, blurred asses and dicks — one of which is just the reflection of it in a toilet that looks full of piss with a Pikachu on the rim — and of course, the one that particularly disturbed me, a 55-year-old man talking about finding a Pokémon in his pants.
I remember being excited about the original Kinect launching for the Xbox 360, back when I worked in retail. Our store even had a midnight opening for it, which was a rarity in those days.
Since then, I’ve played a majority of games released over the years for the device on both Xbox 360 and Xbox One, from the fantastic bowling in Kinect Sports (which caused my mom and grandma to buy Xbox 360s), to dancing my ass off in Dance Central and Just Dance, to the downright awful Fable: The Journey and Commander Cherry. Heck, I’ve even played completely unreleased games such as the Xbox 360 version of Crimson Dragon that I managed to get my hands on. I don’t know why, but I’ve been obsessed with Kinect since launch even though most of its games suck raunchy balls and taint with a bit too few teeth for my liking.
So my words should hold some weight when I say that FRU is easily the best traditional game ever released for the tech. Unfortunately, it also has the worst timing — it seems Kinect is all but officially dead as the upcoming Xbox One S revision requires an additional cable to even use it.
Warning: Your opinion may vary
E3 2016 having come and gone feels like a distant memory at this point, but that won’t stop me from making a list of who I thought the winners and losers of the show were. Somehow, I think some of you will disagree, and that is fine by me. Opinions are like assholes: I love ’em. Check out the belles of the ball in the full picture laden piece here.
I’ve been using the SteelSeries Apex M800 keyboard next to the Rival 700 that I recently reviewed since getting home from E3 last month and I have to say I can see why many people would want this keyboard.
As for myself? I’ll be switching back to my Bluetooth-enabled mechanical keyboard with its Gateron Blue switches as soon as this review is done.
As someone who has played first-person shooters on consoles the majority of my life, I’ve only recently attempted to make the switch to mouse and keyboard. This is largely thanks to many PC versions of games being generally better than their console counterparts, but after playing a 16-hour Overwatch session, I realized one feature I missed from using a traditional controller: rumble.
Haptic feedback is something I had grown accustomed to in the console space and relied on heavily, especially since many games are bad at giving you visual cues these days. As it turns out, though, SteelSeries has a mouse for people like me. The Rival 700 features a form of force feedback. The trick is you have to play one of three games that are currently supported by the device.
I love Nier, so you can probably imagine I was pretty thrilled to find a $20 game that could pass for its spiritual sequel. While playing I kept thinking, “I’m going to call this the sleeper hit of the year — I can’t believe how great this is” until about the last quarter of the game where bosses start to get a bit too cheap.
While not perfect, for the price, this game is a steal.