Review: Uno

No voice chat, no video chat, no dicks, NO SELL!

Uno on Xbox 360 was a magical wasteland filled with strangers chatting it up on their Xbox Live Vision Camera, sometimes with their dicks out. As a man who is known to enjoy dicks from time to time, I quite liked that. Sure, sometimes you’d see a dick or two that you’d rather not, and sometimes someone would be wearing a Nazi or KKK uniform, but most of the time it was just chill people being social.

Ubisoft decided it would be a great idea to make a new Uno and hype it up as having voice and video chat, playing off the nostalgia of Xbox 360 owners. Guess what? Somehow Ubisoft managed to completely fuck it up.

Read my full review here.

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Review: Batman – The Telltale Series: Episode 1 Realm of Shadows

Bruce Wayne has always been the best part of Batman

I’ve never been big into superhero movies, as they mostly focus on action and special effects, forgetting that the characters in tight suits should have, you know, emotions. The character building segments are always better than the fights in between, just like professional wrestling.

If you’re a Bruce Wayne fan, you’re in luck, as it seems like the developers at Telltale know this. All the best parts of this first episode happen outside of the suit.

Starting out, Batman slowly enters the scene as fitting music plays (though it is no Danny Elfman composition) and then there is a series of what appear to be quick time events, which have been welcome additions to video games exactly zero times.

Read my first review for Zam here!

Review: Overcooked

Have you ever wanted to be on Hell’s Kitchen? Well, look no further than the couch cooperation (or competitive) cooking game Overcooked, as it has everything but Chef Gordon Ramsay. Heck, it even includes a button to swear—though no foul language is actually uttered but instead comes out in symbols much like the classic Q-bert.

If you’ve got friends that actually come over to your house, then Overcookedwill be a blast. However, playing alone is both dull and difficult. You see, when playing with multiple people you can easily split up the tasks, as the entire game revolves around chopping, frying, and serving food and washing plates. When playing by yourself you’ve got to control two characters that you can swap between, or if you’re a talented multitasker you can play as both at the same time by splitting your controller in half, with the each side controlling a different character. I could not manage to do this, and eventually had to get my boyfriend to come help me complete the levels.

Read my full review here.

Review: Gal-Gun: Double Peace

An on-rails shooter goes on a date with an anime.

On-rails shooters have all but died, with only a handful releasing in the past decade perhaps due to the decline of the arcade. I absolutely adore the genre having grown up on the Area 51 and House of the Dead series, so my words should hold some weight when I say this is one of the deeper games in the genre; that is, if you can get over its ridiculous content, which is a big if unless you’re really into seeing child-like anime girls in their underwear (in which case, this is probably a must-buy for you).

Double Peace is a sequel to the original Gal-Gun (or Gal Gun or Gal*Gun) which was never localized outside of Japan. However, this game can be enjoyed without having played the original. The story of the original is explained at the start of the game, as this game takes place at the very same school, just with all new characters and enemies.

This game largely follows the same story: An angel/cupid in training is tasked with shooting the main character, Hodai, with a single love shot, but ends up blasting him with a lifetime’s worth by accident. This causes every female in his school to become lovestruck and obsessed with him. This also means that Hodai has only 24 hours to find his one true love, as he apparently can’t ever be shot with another arrow. Thus he has quite the dilemma on his hands.

Read my full review here.

Review: Quadrilateral Cowboy

If Wes Anderson made a hacking game…

I’m typically wary of any title that features any type of hacking or coding, as they tend to be monotonous, but I’m so very glad I didn’t pass up on Quadrilateral Cowboy. This adventure centers around a group of three women in the 1980s as they take various jobs hacking and stealing information.

The jobs start simple enough, only requiring connecting your devices to ports and pressing open, before quickly adding in coding, controlling robots, and even jump pads that launch you across the air. You’ll be hacking in apartments, skyscrapers, and even in space. No two levels feel alike, which kept the experience feeling fresh from start to finish, which took me about five hours total.

If you’ve ever played Blendo Games other adventure game, Thirty Flights of Loving, then you’ll quickly recognize the same boxy yet attractive art style, and hip Wes Anderson-like characters and color schemes, only this time mixed with lots of hacking. The hacking is done somewhat realistically via using various programs on a portable computer such as telnet and even remote control robots, though calling it hacking is a stretch as it is bit closer to basic coding, though that isn’t a bad thing.

Read my full review here.

Review: FRU

I remember being excited about the original Kinect launching for the Xbox 360, back when I worked in retail. Our store even had a midnight opening for it, which was a rarity in those days.

Since then, I’ve played a majority of games released over the years for the device on both Xbox 360 and Xbox One, from the fantastic bowling in Kinect Sports (which caused my mom and grandma to buy Xbox 360s), to dancing my ass off in Dance Central and Just Dance, to the downright awful Fable: The Journey and Commander Cherry. Heck, I’ve even played completely unreleased games such as the Xbox 360 version of Crimson Dragon that I managed to get my hands on. I don’t know why, but I’ve been obsessed with Kinect since launch even though most of its games suck raunchy balls and taint with a bit too few teeth for my liking.

So my words should hold some weight when I say that FRU is easily the best traditional game ever released for the tech. Unfortunately, it also has the worst timing — it seems Kinect is all but officially dead as the upcoming Xbox One S revision requires an additional cable to even use it.

Read the rest of my review here.

Review: Monster Hunter Generations

The monster hits of Monster Hunter.

Monster Hunter Generations features locations and monsters from all across the series, as well as some new favorites to boot. On top of that, you’ve got additional ways to play—different hunter styles, hunter arts, and Prowler mode where you can take control of one of your Palicoes. If it isn’t obvious, let me make it clear for you: Generations is the best game so far in the Monster Hunter series and is a great place to start even if you have never played any of the others.

Previously Monster Hunter was known as the grind-filled action RPG where you hunt and kill giant monsters (read: dinosaurs, dragons, and giant ancient beasts) to collect their body parts, which are then used to make better weapons and armor so you can fight even more monsters. While the main core gameplay is the same, I have never felt like Generations is a grind, as Capcom has simplified things a bit for the better.

Read the full review here.

Review: Rhythm Heaven Megamix

Rhythm Heaven is a first party Nintendo IP that has been around since 2009, spanning over four games across four different consoles, yet I imagine most gamers wouldn’t be able to tell you the first thing about it. Heck, I’m a huge fan of Nintendo’s IPs and I haven’t done more than sample the series until now, but that’s okay because Rhythm Heaven Megamix combines all of the best parts of the old games into one colourful, over the top, portable mega mix.

For the uninitiated, Rhythm HeavenMegamix is a like a combination of a music game and a WarioWaregame. That is to say, it is a series of short, extremely random mini-games that has you pressing only a couple of buttons to complete, with each game only lasting a two or three minutes tops. Unlike most games in the music genre, you won’t find an easy-to-follow icon letting you know when to press buttons, instead, you’ll have to time your button presses to the music and zany visuals on the top screen. The bottom screen serves only to let you know whether or not those button presses were on time.

Read my full review here.

Review: SteelSeries Rival 700 Mouse

Force feedback in a mouse

As someone who has played first-person shooters on consoles the majority of my life, I’ve only recently attempted to make the switch to mouse and keyboard. This is largely thanks to many PC versions of games being generally better than their console counterparts, but after playing a 16-hour Overwatch session, I realized one feature I missed from using a traditional controller: rumble.

Haptic feedback is something I had grown accustomed to in the console space and relied on heavily, especially since many games are bad at giving you visual cues these days. As it turns out, though, SteelSeries has a mouse for people like me. The Rival 700 features a form of force feedback. The trick is you have to play one of three games that are currently supported by the device.

Read my full review here.