Recent Pokemon GO changes make the game even more like the main series, so stop crying

With the recent update of Pokémon GO Niantic removed the feet icon from beneath monsters, a feature that only worked around the first week of launch that allowed players to have an idea of how far away their intended target was. Then today sites used to cheat and see where Pokémon spawn have been shut down apparently at the request of Niantic and Nintendo.

Now everywhere I look I see people outraged that they can no longer see footprints or cheat by using external websites and honestly, you’re all fucking casuals. A tried and truePokémon player would recognize that this only makes the game more like the core series. Now instead of relying on websites to spoonfeed you the location of creature spawns, you actually have to wander around and hope you stumble upon one, just like every other game in the series; also how the game has been played in every country since release except the first few. Niantic realized it didn’t need this feature to be successful.

I guess ‘only 90’s kids remember’ that?

What has been known as the ‘three steps bug’ has been around for some time, meaning you’ve been playing the game this way anyways, so what is the big deal? You still can find creatures by watching to see which is closest to the top of your tracker as far as I know, which means it is even easier than the core series.

Now I know what some of you will say, “But Jed, in the games creatures only spawn in certain areas of the world.” You’re correct, and it is the exact same thing in Pokémon GO, as certain creatures only spawn in certain regions, and many parks spawn the same Pokémondaily. If you’re near water, then water based monsters spawn, which is just like in the games!

Don’t get me wrong, I understand why you’d be upset over a feature being removed from a game, but it still plays exactly the same, only now you can’t cheat. So stop being casual, start wondering around more, and try not to get shot. Protip: it is harder to catch Pokémonwith tears in your eyes.

The men of Craigslist attempt to capitalize on Pokemon GO’s popularity to have sex

Sometimes I like to stare into the abyss known as the personals section on popular classified ads site Craigslist. I’m not sure why I do this to myself because I always walk away disturbed. On a recent visit, I couldn’t help but notice the new hot trend is to mention Pokémon GO when trying to find someone to fornicate with via the casual encounters section. Typically these posts are by men looking for women to play the game with before, during, or after fucking, but there were some gay posts here and there.

On my most recent excursion, I did what any professional games blogger would do and screen capped a few of these ads from all over the world to share with you. Get ready for foul language, puns, blurred asses and dicks — one of which is just the reflection of it in a toilet that looks full of piss with a Pikachu on the rim — and of course, the one that particularly disturbed me, a 55-year-old man talking about finding a Pokémon in his pants.

Click here to see the full NSFW gallery.

Monster Hunter Generations Tips ‘N Tricks for new and old players alike

Monster Hunter Generations is officially available in North America and the UK, and it is easily the best game in the series in my opinion. I mean you can play as cats, what could be better than that?

Generations mixes up the formula a bit with having many familiar locations and monsters, so here are some tips you should find useful whether this is your first Monster Hunter or tenth.


Buy a circle pad or a NEW 3DS for better camera control

While you can play Generations without having a second circle pad or the c-stick of the NEW 3DS, it is certainly frustrating. Your options will be limited to tapping on the monster on your touch screen and mashing the L button to make the camera pan to it, or using a virtual d-pad. Ask yourself, have you ever enjoyed using a virtual d-pad more than a controller? You can snag the circle pad for the original smaller 3DS on Amazon for $11.98 and the circle pad pro for the XL for $10.88, well worth the investment if you ask me. If you’re feeling like dropping a few extra bucks you can get the NEW 3DS with its c-stick, which I feel like controls a bit smoother and you get the benefit of better textures and much faster loading, among the other benefits of the handheld such as eye-tracking 3D, faster downloads, and SNES virtual console games.

Try out the weapons till you find one you love

When starting the game you’ll have access to one of each of the 14 available weapon types in your inventory and if you’re like me you’ll just pick the strongest one, but that may be a mistake. Each weapon controls vastly different, so take the time to do some of the training missions for each one till you find the one that fits your play style. I personally ended up going with dual blades and ariel style.

Mounting monsters made far easier by using ariel style

The newly added hunting styles all have different benefits, and on paper, it sounds like ariel may be the worst as it offers less of the new special moves called hunter arts, but I didn’t find that was the case. Ariel makes your dodge cause your hunter to jump into the air. If you dodge into a monster while using aerial you’ll leap high into the air, which is the perfect time to start attacking. If you aim for the back of the neck you’ll often be able to mount the monster and rodeo it till it is stunned, allowing for massive damage from you and fellow hunters.

Palicos are a hunter’s best friend, make sure you have two

Early on you’ll unlock the Palico Ranch which is just to the right of the starting town. If you go there and talk to the Meowstress you’ll be able to hire palicos. Make sure you have two by your side at all times as they not only help you take down the monsters but heal you and gather items along the way. The Monster Hunter series has a reputation as being grind heavy, but by maximizing on palicos you can mostly avoid that.

Meownster Hunter before every hunt

Meownster Hunter is unlocked with three-star quests and allows you to send out four palicos on a quest gathering pieces of monsters, as well as various other items that can be used for crafting whether it be for you or your felyne friends. These quests play out in a mini-game that has you shooting a puck out of a canon in an attempt to land on circles on the board that represents the different drops available. The easiest way I found to make sure you hit the spots is to think of the power meter as how far away from the bottom of the board you want the puck to land, with half way being the top of the screen. By doing this I was easily able to get many pieces I need to craft armor without grinding.

After each quest use the palico dojo to allow your furry sidekicks to rest to regain enthusiasm by selecting catnap under special training. Have a stable of palicos that you dedicate to Meownster Hunter alone.

Eat a meal before every hunt

In each town, you’ll find a felyne that will cook you a meal granting both you and your palicos bonus stats and effects. Make sure to eat one before each hunt, and always try to pick the one that raises your defense against whatever elemental effect the monster may use. Also, always pay for these meals with the in-game currency of zeeny, as you’ll be using your points for Meownster Hunter and some optional unlockables available from the felyne in your house.

Tetsucabra’s armor provides a ton of early defense

You’ll come across the Tetsucabra in the three-star quests, and it’s armor easily provides the most defense you’ll find in the first half of the game. It is so good, in fact, that I used it to the very end of the single player campaign. It should be easy enough to acquire if you follow my palico based tips above.

Key quests to advance

Want to quickly reach the ending of single player? Then you need only to complete the following quests in each ranking, and the urgent quests that follow them.

One-star rank:

– Find the Ferns
– A Fungal Hunt
– Wipe Out!
– Another Pack Attack (given to you by the Meowstress on Palico Ranch)

Two-star rank:

– Rambunctious Rhenoplos
– Gendrome Roadblock
– The Land Sharq
– Hermit Grab
– Slay the Velociprey ( Kokoto chief request)
– Hunt Down the Velocidrome! ( Kokoto chief request)
– Slay the Giaprey! (Pokke chief request)
– The Mountain Roughrider (Pokke chief request)
– Bye Bye Jaggia (Yukumo chief request)
– Arzuros the Azure Beast (Yukumo chief request)

Three-star rank:

-Stomping Grounds
– Crustacean Frustration
– The Desert Gourmand
– Tumultuous Sprouts
– Local Threat
– Into the Wyvern’s Den (Kokoto chief request)
– The Shadow in the Mountains
– No Go on the Popo (Pokke chief request)
– Royal Spit Take
– A Forest Fracas (Yukumo chief request)
– Current Events
– Robbed Blind

Four-star rank:

– Serpentine Samba
– Wrath of the Rathian
– Crustacean Infatuation
– Lurkin’ in the Murk
– Hungry Eyes

Five-star rank:

-A King, Robed in Smoke
– Fight or Uragaan!
– The Fisherman’s Fiend
– The Unwavering Colossus ( Pokke chief request)
– The Entrancing Water Dancer (Yukumo chief request)
– The Thunderclaw Wyvern (Kokoto chief request)

Six-star rank:

– Tigrex by the Tail
– Dark Wings, Dark Work
– Tuff Turf
– A Thousand Scales of Dread
– Brachydios Mio!


Use all of these tips and you’ll be a certified bad-ass in no time flat, slaying monsters left and right with ease. Now go young caterpillars and become the monster murdering butterflies you were born to me.

Top 10 games that would be better with Aerosmith

I’ve recently had the epiphany that any game featuring Aerosmith — the objectively greatest Rock ‘N Roll band of all time — is better off for it. I’d even go as far as to say Aerosmith has the Midas touch when it comes to video games, as I can’t think of a single bad game that Aerosmith has been involved in.

Steven Tyler and his band have touched such classics like Dead or Alive 3, Saints Row IV, and Grand Theft Auto IV as well as starring in games such as Guitar Hero: Aerosmith, and Revolution X, the arcade shooter where the band helps overthrow an oppressive new world order.

Here are the top ten games that would be objectively made better by adding in the majestic sounds of Aerosmith.

Click to see the list.

The best ‘Hail Hydra’ video game character memes

‘I don’t swallow’ – Kirby

If you’ve been on social media lately, you’ve probably seen someone reacting to a twist in a recentCaptain America comic that has the Cap revealing himself to be a double agent for the evil Hydra, as seen in the header above.

A lot of people are upset about it, maybe because Captain America was originally created by two Jewish men and Hydra are basically Nazis minus the imagery. Or maybe people just don’t like twists. Marvel poster boy Stan Lee called the twist “a good idea,” while comic book superfan and movie director Kevin Smith said it “could be fun but won’t be a canon change.

Regardless of how you feel about the actual reveal, it spawned a meme of characters from other universes committing the same kind of double-agent twist, and many of the ones based on gaming are fantastic.

Click here to see them all.

MLG and Valve could do more to get women interested in Counter-Strike

In keeping my word of continuing to go to MLG events, I recently went to the Nationwide Arena in downtown Columbus, Ohio for the first Counter-Strike: Global Offensive Major in America, which was also the first to have a prize pool of $1 million thanks to Valve bumping the pot up from $250,000.

While there, I noticed the event was a total sausagefest, and I’ve been thinking about that ever since. There are things MLG and Valve could do to get more women interested in both eSports and Counter-Strike, but perhaps the organizers just haven’t considered them. Luckily, I’m here to remedy that.

Read my full opinion piece right here.

A non-hipster walking simulator for Cliff Bleszinski

Yesterday, famed game designer Cliff Bleszinski — famous for creating Jazz Jackrabbit and the Gears of War series — decided it was finally time to give Firewatch a play.

Just 15 minutes in, Cliff quit the game and tweeted, “Yeah I respect the devs of Firewatch and don’t mind walking sims but it is entirely too hipster for me, not gonna stick with it, sorry.”

People quickly took offense to this and let Dude Huge know about it, to which he politely responded, “Some overly sensitive Lena Dunham Brooklyn beard wearing types are, like, gonna unfollow me now over my Firewatch posts. FUCK OFF.”

But Cliff also wanted his followers to know that he is a sensitive guy with real feelings, noting, “I keep an open perspective on all games. Cibele drove me to tears. Firewatch bored me. Deal with it.”

Yeah I respect the devs of Firewatch and don’t mind walking sims but it is entirely too hipster for me, not gonna stick with it, sorry.

What I’ve gathered from Cliff’s Twitter is that he wants a walking simulator that is as mainstream as possible. So without further adieu, the most mainstream walking sim ever created, just for you, Cliffy B:

See the mainstream walking simulator right here.