The Top Upcoming Games I Personally Hope to Get Censored

Recently I’ve been told time and time again that I’m personally responsible for the localization changes made to Fire Emblem: Fates by Nintendo of America’s Treehouse team. So I’ve decided to take my newly discovered superpower for a spin and list some titles I hope to get censored.

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Street Fighter V

I know what you’re saying, “But Dr. Dinosexual aka Jed, isn’t Street Fighter V already out?” I mean, technically you’re right, but you’re also wrong. The game was released with many features missing such as Arcade and challenges modes. Since the game isn’t finished, there is still time to get things censored, such as the oversexualized costumes for Laura and Mika. You’re probably already composing an angry tweet saying something along the lines of, “BUT WHAT ABOUT SEXY RYU!?” Listen, when I can see as much ass meat of Ryu as I can of Laura and Mika then you have a point; otherwise hush.

Doom

Across most every trailer for the upcoming Doom reboot, I’ve had the same complaint: I hate the piss filter, and I hate the constant kill animations. Bethesda has taken notice and has removed or at least toned down the yellow filter; the kill animations are still found in the latest trailer. While the kill animations are themselves cool, the amount of time they take away from the action seems excessive; especially considering the campaign reportedly takes around 16 hours. Those few second animations will quickly add up; perhaps that is why the campaign will take so damned long. So Bethesda, ID, cut this shit out.

Great Detective Pikachu

I seriously can’t wait for Great Detective Pikachu, especially if Nintendo does what it knows it should do and hires Hollywood superstar Danny DeVito to voice the lead. One thing I could do without is the cat calling seen in the above video. Is it really family friendly to depict Pikachu as player who harasses women on the street? Come on Nintendo.

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The Legend of Zelda Wii U

The Wii U is dead, and its corpse shouldn’t hold back the next game in the Zelda series, which is why I’m suggesting Nintendo cancel the Wii U version and move all development to a graphically superior version for their upcoming console codenamed the NX. Don’t pull a Twilight Princess and hold your console back by releasing its big game on the previous console, come out strong with the NX with an exclusive Zelda.

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Tom Clancy’s The Division

Watch the above GIF. Keep watching it. Does it make you happy? Are you laughing? No? Why not? Don’t like to see defenseless animals gunned down in the street? Me neither. Ubisoft, I realize animals exist in real life and can be gunned down, but in real life humans don’t take tens of bullets before they go down; maybe you could cut out murdering dogs which adds nothing of value to the game.


I look forward to all these changes swiftly being made so we can all enjoy these games as they should be, censored to my liking. I’d like to thank these billion dollar corporations for giving such weight to my words and acknowledging my power and impact in the gaming community. Now, if only Sega would listen and stop making Sonic the Hedgehog games.

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Welcome to Dinosexual.com, the home of all things Jed

Hey Beard Buddies and Jed Heads, it’s your old pal Jed Whitaker here, aka Dr. Dinosexual and I’m going the games media elite by having my very own site to chronicle my rise to power.

I decided to make this site as my first step in my push to try to make games media my full-time job. As some of you may know, I’ve been working a full-time day job in corporate IT for the past 4+ years and found out mid-January that it would be getting outsourced to India as of April 1, no foolin’.

I’m going to make an honest effort over the next two months to see if I can get anywhere near the amount of income I’d need to survive on games media alone and then make a decision from there. It will be a lot of work either way and even if now turns out to not be the time, I’ll still keeping working my ass off to make the dream come true.

If you’re reading this as a friend, family, peer, or even a fan I want to thank you for your support, without you I would have never gotten to this point. I welcome any and all feedback, tips, job offers and freelance. I encourage you all to support me on Patreon as a steady flow of money is never a guarantee in this industry, and it would be nice to have a cushion in case things don’t always go as planned.

Thanks again and here is to the future!

Your friend,

Jed Whitaker